The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
