so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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