never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
