He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
