just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
