I think im going to throw up on grandma
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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