ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
