His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
