Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
