Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
