Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
