He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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