I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
