Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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