Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
