I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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