she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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