i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
