i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
