Buhtt sex?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
