so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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