So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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