i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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