Are we in a gay sports bar?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
