He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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