i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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