I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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