Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
