He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
