Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
