someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
