If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Michael Bay diarrhea
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
