addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
