if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
