he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
