that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Barsexuality is the new black.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
