Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
