We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
this is an emotional support booty call
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
