its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
