I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
