i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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