farters have to be the big spoon...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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