totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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