the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize