i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
