someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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