I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
