New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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