don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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