He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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