Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
