We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
