Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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