I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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