i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
