A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
