I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
