The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
