I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
