Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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