Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
