I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
