My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
