Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I could make wine with my vomit
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
