all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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